Anacondas : Trail Of Blood (2009)

Trashy, idiotic, badly written, terribly directed and utterly devoid of quality, it’s probably not a surprise that Anacondas 4 is a despicable mess, but it’s barely even entertaining.

Picking up exactly where Anacondas 3 left off, we’re given an embarrassingly plot-heavy voiceover prologue where a scientist explains all you need to know about the super-snake he’s created. It can regenerate after having its head blown off, it’s super strong, insanely vindictive and “always hungry”. And it’s got loose. Once the scientist’s prologue is done, the anaconda eats him.

Anacondas 4: Trail of Blood is exploitative nonsense that further ruins a franchise that was never particularly good in the first place. This time they’ve replaced the “talent” of David Hasselhoff (from Part 3) with John Rhys-Davies. It’s clearly a pay-check film for the British actor as he looks like he’s searching for his lines the entire time, and wheezes through the movie with an air of apologetic shame.

Rhys-Davis plays a dying millionaire, desperate to get hold of the serum that makes the snake regenerate its face, wanting to use it on himself to cure his cancer. He sends a team of mercenaries into Eastern Europe to locate the scientist and serum, and instructs them to “shoot on sight” the rogue assistant scientist Amanda (Crystal Allen – shamelessly returning from the previous film) who is determined to destroy the serum and cease the insane experiments that creates the huge and always deadly mega-snakes. Throw in a random tourist boy and a group of archeologists and you’ve got a film jam-packed with characters… all of which have absolutely no character.

The dialogue isn’t terrible, with one or two moments of genuine brevity, but sadly the acting is utterly appalling. Only British TV actor Danny Midwinter survives unscathed, actually having a decent and interesting character. Naturally, he’s a side character and therefore utterly expendable. It is of no particular consequence however, as you’ve given up caring by then anyway.

Director Don E. FauntLeRoy clearly fell asleep at the wheel during the production of this travesty, and characters hold flashlights in incredibly well-lit mineshafts whilst the victims of the über-hungry snake look like someone’s cheese-grated them rather than eaten them alive. The film is littered with poor editing, needless scenes and some laughable CGI. Directed by the man behind the woeful Anacondas 3 and three Steven Seagal films, it’s no huge surprise this latest installment of the Anaconda franchise fails to meet even the lowest of expectations.

Anacondas 4 vomits out clichés like “I didn’t sign up for this” and “Let’s split up!” with shameless abandon, proving that all involved have barely even seen a horror film, let alone made one before. Apart from one moment of hilarious violence, the carnage is completely without note. The deaths are dull and expected, the CGI incredibly lackluster, and the “snake-cam” forces the poor actors to scream into the camera as it comes to eat them – utterly embarrasing.

Apart from feeding off a distinctly unimpressive franchise, there’s no reason to call this film Anacondas. This is basically King Cobra or Megasnake or Python – there’s no water and it’s just about a gigantic, fast snake chasing people and eating them. There is no story apart from that.

Anacondas 4: Trail of Blood was never going to be good. Parts 1 & 2 were reasonable, whilst 3 was a hilarious mess. Number 4 in this ridiculous franchise is simply dull. Badly acted, poorly created, vastly stupid and utterly uncompelling – Anacondas 4 is terrible.

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